it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
