I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
