listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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