Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
