yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Drake has all the answers
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize