she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I have fence marks all over my body
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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