Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
