I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
