Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
