maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
