My liver just broke up with me...
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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