the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
