ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
