bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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