Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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