what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
