Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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