Your tits are I can't wait for
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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