dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
