New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
