Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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