You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
