didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
