i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
