so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
