so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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