so that wasnt chicken after all
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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