just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
