so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
