I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
