This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
