Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
