That's intense
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
