I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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