I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
