Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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