who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Boobs speak an international language.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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