Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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