I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
