when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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