paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
