I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
