hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
