Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
