were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
