So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
