hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
