Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Can you bring me the toilet please
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just forgot I was standing up.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
