You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
