it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
