the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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