Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
