Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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