Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
