So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
