I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Randomize
