The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
