So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
