Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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