I cockslap morals
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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