As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
