she was so not down for the gang bang
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
