TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
