so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She's the barista slut.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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