He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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