Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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