watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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