Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
