he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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