nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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