I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
