I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So squirting runs in the family.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
